Hormones drive men just as much as they drive women. You may not see their fluctuations repeat in patterns over the period of time that roughly coincides with the lunar month, but you can be sure those hormones are behind a lot of behavior and patterns you do see.

The "Male" Hormone: Testosterone

You may be surprised to learn that the same sex hormones drive men and women. Testosterone is the big boy, the one everyone thinks of as "the male hormone." But women have it too; men just have about 10 times more of it.
Among its many functions, testosterone supports heart and brain health, promotes the growth of lean muscle mass and strong bones, promotes sexual fantasies and erections, and fuels healthy assertiveness.

Men can run low on testosterone and when they do, they need supplementation. Low testosterone in aging men has been shown to be a strong predictor of Alzheimers. Without enough testosterone, men can lose their interest in everything, they may seem lazy, dull, bored, easily confused or forgetful. Businesses or hobbies they were once passionate about become burdens or simply fall off the radar. If they were hot headed before, they may become passive; if they were passive before, they may become short tempered. They may have difficulty having erections, may not care about sex, or may need more stimulation (from porn, etc.) to get aroused. They may get flabby, break bones more easily, and have cardiovascular problems. 

I'll talk more about supplementing testosterone in another post.

The "Female" Hormone: Estrogen

Yes, men have estrogen too, though less than women have. And this estrogen helps mellow a man's temper. It also works with his other hormones to support heart and brain health, and ensure strong bones and muscles. But they shouldn't have too much, or rather, "too much estrogen relative to their testosterone."

Estrogen-to-Testosterone Balance

What's important is that men have the right proportion of estrogen to testosterone. Sources argue over the ideal testosterone-estrogen ranges, but the Life Extension Foundation (www.LEF.org) suggests that 20-25 pg/mL of free testosterone (measured directly, not calculated from total T) is the optimal T range for most men.

They also quote a study reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) that showed that men with estrogen (specifically estradiol, or E2) levels between about 22 and 30 pg/mL had the fewest deaths--compared to men with either musch lover or much higher E2 levels. 

These numbers suggest that men live longest when they have roughly equal amounts of estrogen and free testosterone in their systems.

The Other Sex Hormone

You wouldn't think men would need progesterone, the hormone thought of as the pregnancy hormone, but they do. It is the third leg of the sex hormone tripod that we all need to keep everything in balance. Men need progesterone because it breaks down into the other sex hormones as well as the adrenal hormones, cortisol and adrenalin.

More important, progesterone is the hormone that modulates a woman's immune system during pregnancy so her body doesn't reject the "foreign object" (the baby) she's carrying in her womb. That same progesterone (in lower amounts) modulates the immune systems in men and women every day. If progesterone is low, or isn't present in the right proportions relative to E and P, a person may have problems with allergies and autoimmune diseases such as arthritis or fibromyalgia.

Anabolic Steriods

You may have felt your stomach clench a little when you read the title of this section. Relax. Although you are accustomed to the word used in the context of athletes doping themselves to bulk up or extend their stamina, the fact is that all your natural sex hormones are anabolic steroids.

Anabolic refers to a hormone's ability to build things. All three sex hormones are anabolic. They build important things like muscles and bones. In women they also build things like a uterine lining every month and both milk secreting (secretory) and milk draining (ductal) cells in the breasts.

The opposite of anabolic is catabolic. Catabolic hormones break down or consume cells and tissues. You need a certain amount of these too. You can't build healthy new bone, for example, without tearing down some old bone. Catabolic hormones, in proper proportions, promone healthy cell turnover and remodeling in your body. However, too much of the catabolic hormones (like the stress hormone cortisol) can damage your body. I'll go into the role of the adrenal hormones in another post.

Men and Hormones

The fact is that men are hormonal creatures, just as women are. They may exhibit different behaviors but they are just as vulnerable to the physical and emotional effects of changing hormone levels and proportions as are women. And they need to maintain ideal levels and proportions to keep their bodies and minds functioning optimally.

This subject has so many parts there is no way to cover them all in one post. But I'll use this first post as a kind of overview to talk about the things that may impact a woman's relationship with one or more men in her life. In later posts we'll get into the details of each issue.

Those of us who live with men, love men, partner with men (for business or pleasure), or generally interact with men on a regular basis may have found ourselves in situations that disappoint, frustrate, hurt, anger, frighten, or embarrass us. Often these situations also baffle us because we don't understand what provoked the problem, whether it was something we did, and what we can do about it. What's worse is that sometimes our efforts to "fix" the problems we see only makes them worse.

There are several factors at work here, but they probably can all be grouped under two categories:
:: Hormonal issues
:: Communication issues

And while I will try to talk about the two separately, there will be some unavoidable overlap.

HORMONAL ISSUES

Men gripe and joke about women's hormones and moods, but lordomighty don't mention their tempers or moods or sensitive egos unless you are a glutton for punishment. Men don't have the cyclical hormonal patterns women experience, but hormones have a very profound effect on how a man perceives and interacts with the world and those in it. Those hormone levels change from day to day and from time to time within days. A pleasant mood can turn dark in a heartbeat with the least provocation, just as a dark mood that propelled a butt reaming just moments ago can dissolve as if it never happened.

The primary male hormone is testosterone, but hormones such as estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, melatonin and many others also play important roles in how a man feels and behaves. The sex hormones (testosterone, estrogen and progesterone) can affect a man's sex drive (libido), his temper, his rational thinking and self control, creativity, patience, compassion, his muscle mass and strength, appetite, immune system function and allergies, and a lot more.

The other hormones can either work to offset some of these effects...or they can enhance them.  Testosterone, for example, can increase aggression, while estrogen and progesterone can decrease aggression and make a person more mellow. However, cortisol can increase one's impatience, make a man restless, and if high cortisol levels are paired with high testosterone (T) levels, you get a man who is not only feeling aggressive but also antsy/restless and maybe touchy.

Also, changes in hormone levels can have seemingly paradoxical effects on a man. One whose T levels are dropping may experience erectile dysfunction (ED), which in turn makes him feel frustrated, perhaps embarrassed, and angry. He may be angry at himself, at his body's betrayal of him, but that anger can spill over onto those around him in the ways he interacts with them. Which brings us to the second big factor: communication issues.

COMMUNICATIONS ISSUES

We all know men and women communicate differently, but many of us may be totally unaware that men and women are using a single language to express what are often very different concepts and intentions.

Imagine going to an alien planet where you discover to your delight that the inhabitants speak fluent English. So you launch into what you think is a friendly conversation only to find the aliens highly offended by every word. Imagine what would happen if their definition of the words "I'm delighted to meet you" meant to them "I want to own you" or "You look delicious"?

Well, the fact is that men and women--and even people of the same gender with different styles--often find themselves in that very position: using one language to mean very different or even opposing things.

Linguistics professor, Deborah Tannen, has described this bizarre phenomenon in many books, which I will cover in later posts. For now, the key distinction you need to be aware of is the difference in objectives for male conversation versus female conversation. While this is not universally true, in general, women use conversation to establish community, equality and rapport, while men use it to affirm individuality and establish status (ideally superiority) in the hierarchy.

Men use real or ritualized combat (whether a verbal argument or a physical fight or competition) as a means of bonding with one another. But when they try to use this technique to bond with a female, their actions and words have the opposite effect of making the female feel attacked, criticized, and distanced. 

IT IS WHAT IT IS: DEALING WITH REALITY

These insights are just the tip of the iceberg. I will go into each in much more depth in subsequent posts. For now, the important thing to remember is that when he says or does something that upsets you, the overwhelming odds are that it probably is not meant to upset you. And, in fact, he may be baffled at your taking offense to something either he thought was showing his closeness to you or that was simply not about you at all. 

Believe me, I know it is easier said than done to not take things personally. But once you start to understand the dynamics going on inside him, you will become better able to deflect what appear to be arrows and keep yourself from being wounded by them.

By the way, this is not meant to excuse those who are physically or emotionally abusive, although it can offer insights into even those behaviors.

For those dealing with men who have good hearts and honorable intentions, I suggest you give them the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. And try to "catch them being good" as often as you can. Notice when they do something "right" or desirable or whatever is the opposite of the offensive behavior. You may find more of it than you expect. 

The more you make him feel like a hero, the more he will try to live up to your ideal of him.  

Oh, and this works both ways. So guys, if you're reading this, try noticing and celebrating the things we do right if you want to encourage us do them more often.

Stay tuned for more.
Pat